My Perfect Boredom

i think...
i'm finally back to how i was before.
i realize that i have changed in many ways on my direction here.
but i think that the lifestyle is quite similar.
i reside within what i am now calling, 'my perfect boredom'.
i am happily content with myself.
in this 'comfort zone', if you will.
but it is more than that. i take this sense of happiness and satisfaction wherever i go. as a 'bubble shield'. it so easy this way. you are never truly bored.
i may lie awake all night, but that does not mean i am unhappy.
i am accompanied by a controlled chaos, a steady stream of thoughts.
i guide m thoughts and they guide me. a symbiotically influential relationship.
one factor affects the other through influence.
and this is only part of it.
i find an awkward peace living like this.
this is how i lived before i took on the challenge of sharing my life with another.
throughout, i was happier with another.
but i focused too much on that particular...
relationship.
it became an obsession that clouded everything.
the relationship wasn't a horrid thing, but i had proven to myself beforehand that i was already happy without it...
as i can see through my reversion to my previous lifestyle.
i think that a relationship of any sort should be an addition to one's life.
not an item to consume your energy and time as a whole...
just another connection as with neurons in the brain...
or a train station to another.
so i welcome myself with warm hands and happy thoughts, back.
to my perfect boredom.
for those of you that have no idea what i'm talking about.
don't worry, i'm not insane or delirious...
i'm just thinking on a different level.