Ways to Say Penis

hello again...

ways to say penis...

let's begin.

MATURE CONTENT

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001. Dick : really,who hasn't heard this one?
002. Weiner: same here too.
003. Cock
004. Prick
005. Johnson: Never sure if it is the president or the outboard that this one refers to.
006. Pee Pee: Explains itself doesn't it? 
007. Pecker: Another one that is just too common.
008. John Thomas: English in origin. I assume the guy must have been a real prick.
009. Baloney Pony
010. Rod
011. Shaft: The black private dick who's sex machine to all the chicks.
012. Bald headed Yogurt slinger: Graphic eh?
013. Baby Maker
014. Shvantz
015. Bone/Boner
016. Bratwurst: A large penis.
017. Bud: Common in English ruled Caribbean islands.
018. Hanging meat
019. Trouser Snake
020. One Eyed Trouser Snake
021. Cack: Gaelic
022. Choad: A penis that is wider than long.
023. Chub: Partially erect.
024. Cornholer: ick.
025. Ding Dong
026. Dong
027. Dingus/Dingis
028. Dork: Originally a whales penis.
029. Dingaling: Ask Chuck Berry, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gWMJLUbk10
030. Hard On
031. Tallywhacker
032. Hog: Not a Harley, just the ol' pork
033. Jimber: a new one on me.
034. Jimmy: Likely related to the Jimber in some arcane way.
035. Joystick: Originally for the reasons of pleasure, in the video game age it has acquired another.
036. Keilbasa: See Bratwurst.
037. Knob: The tip in particular.
038. Long Dong Silver: See Clarence Thomas
039. Love Muscle
040. Fuck Stick: Need I say more?
041. Main Vein
042. Man Meat
043. Meat Popsicle
044. Meat Thermometer
045. Member
046. Middle Leg
047. Monster
048. Mr. Happy
049. Mr. Winky
050. Ol' One Eye
051. One Eyed Monster
052. Peen
053. Putz
054. Peeter/Peter
055. Piece: As in Piece of man meat.
056. Pocket Rocket: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcPKa-iwxq0
057. Pole
058. Pud: Short for Pudding.
059. Pudding: as in pulling your pudding.
060. Purple Helmet
061. German Helmet
062. Salami
063. Sausage
064. Skin Flute
065. Tent Pole
066. Third Leg
067. Throbber
068. Tonsil Tickler
069. Tool
070. Tube Steak
071. Tube Snake: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx4QL0yi6nQ
072. Wang
073. Wanker
074. Wee
075. Willie
076. Weenie
077. Winky
078. Spitting Cobra
079. Spout.
080. Little Elvis
081. Trouser Trout
082. Thing
083. Meat Puppet
084. Schlort
085. Schmeckle: Getting a bit obscure now aren't I?
086. Sconge: See Chub
087. Schlittle: The opposite of Schlong
088. Peeper
089. Plonker
090. Love Shaft
091. Meatsicle
092. Chup
093. Chut
094. Cut: In particular a circumcised one
095. Digger
096. Twig (and Berries)
097. Doder
098. Doinker
099. D
100. Anacondaa
101. Alabama Black Snake.
102. Skin Pistol : Compliments of mick (fan)
phallus
schlong, schledium, schlort
lap rocket
cranny axe
anger needle
cattle prod
penor ( pronounced- pee-nor)
dingaling
peski ( finnish)
wank
wang
poon-swatter
wee-wee
darthpenis
"lightsaber"
pink stick
black-stick
third leg
trunk
cyclops
trouser snake
venomous spitting one eyed snake of death... ( by death i mean pregnancy, and everyone knows that when you get someone pregnant, you usually get married, thus the end of your life is brought about)
scythe
sword
chubby
chode
cum shuttle
probe
schnoz
garden hose
whoopin rod
woody
my morning friend
my lizard
pet snake
igauna
wiener
schnitzel
brat (as in bratwurst)
twinkie
pushup pop
love muscle
saluting arm
my soldier (the helmet, for those who are uncircumcised or have no penor)
wedding burrito
johnson
"stretch and the boys"
your hoo hoo
my haa haa
hoo haa
zinger
breakfast burrito
smelting rod
nightstick
pigsticker
boink boink
meat cleaver
man hammer
man bits
fishin pole
yard stick
support beam
blunt object located in the male crotch area
inch worm
man pole
centimeterpeter
disco stick
cock, knob, dick, wilson, gentleman, pork sword, sausage, willy, old friend (as in "I'm just going to shake hands with an old friend"), percy (as in "I'm just going to point percy at the porcelain"), old man, joystick, dong, schlong, pecker, one eyed cat (as in "I'm like a one eyed cat, peepin' in a seafood store) , wanger, rod, wick (as in "dip your wick")and many many more.

Ways to Say Vagina

i do not have the source... i got it in an email.

WARNING MATURE CONTENT!!!

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copher, cunt, pussy, twat, cooter, beaver, fish lips, taco, camel toe, muff, snatch, fuck hole, garage, oven, love button, penis glove, cock sock, cock pocket, JJ, hoohah, bajingo, cum dumpster, sperm bottle, goop chute, slit, trim, quim, pooter, love rug, poontang, poonanie, cooch, tunnel of love, vertical bacon sandwich, bearded clam, cookie, cooleyhopper, nookie, the pink, honey pot, cunny, vag, meat curtains, hatchet wound, putz, fur burger, box, front bottom, gash, kebab, kitty, minge, snapper, catfish, vertical smile, lovebox, love canal, nana, flower, the cum dump, chocha, black hole, sperm sucker, fish sandwich, cock warmer, whisker biscuit, carpet, deep socket, cum craver, cock squeezer, slice of heaven, flesh cavern, the great divide, cherry, tongue depressor, clit slit,laps, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, glory hole, grumble, man in the boat, mud flaps, mound, peach, piss flaps, the fish flap, he furry cup, stench-trench, wizard's sleeve, DNA dumpster, tuna town, split dick, bikini bizkit, cock holster, cockpit, snooch, kitty kat, poody tat, grassy knoll, cold cut combo, Jewel box, rosebud, curly curtains, furry furnace, slop hole, velcro love triangle, nether lips, where Uncle's doodle goes, altar of love, cupid's cupboard, bird's nest, bucket, cock-chafer, love glove, serpent socket, spunk-pot, hairy doughnut, fun hatch, spasm chasm, red lane, stinky speedway, bacon hole, belly entrance, sugar basin, sweet briar, breakfast of champions, wookie, fish mitten, fuck pocket, hump hole, pink circle, silk igloo, scrambled eggs between the legs, black oak, Republic of Labia, juice box, Golden Palace, fetus flaps, skins, sausage wallet, Holiest of Holies, sugar hole, The Death of Adam, home plate, Deer Hoof, Golden Arches, Cats Paw, Mule Nose, Yo Yo Smuggler, Mumbler, Dinner Roll, Crotch Waffle, Piss Fenders, crack, Melvin, Dove Breast, Brakepads, Vedgie, Slurpy, Vacuum Vulva, Pastrami Flaps, Hot Tamaki Walk, Buffalo Gums,Rooster Jaws, Wagon Ruts, Beaver Teeth, Mumble Pants, Ninja Boot, Marcia, Skin Canoe, Fatty, Mossy Jaw, The Big W, Chia Hole, Lip Jeans, Beetle Hood, Hungry Minge, Welly Top, Frum, Pancake Fold, Tongue Roll, Bologna Flap-Over, Furrogi (Poland), Fortune Nookie, Bearded Taco, Calamari Cockring, Displabia, Slot Pocket, Bluntfrunt, Fishamjig, Pole Magnet, Pocket Pie, Clamarama, kitty cage, Chicken's tongue, Conch shell, Crack of heaven, Dog's mouth, Door of life, Fly catcher, Fruit cup, Jelly roll, Lobster pot, bunny tuft, knish, her asshole neighbor, lotus, nappy dugout, moneymaker, womens weapon, tackle box, bone hider, red sea, pizzo, jizz recepticle, The Helmut Hide-A-Way, hairy heaven, furry 8 ball rack, crave cave, arbys with fur, fish canyon, toolshed, snake charmer, Furby, Enchilada of love, Ham sandwich, Camarillo brillo, Brazilian caterpillar, dick rack, boy in the canoe, flesh tuxedo, Mound of Venus, queef quarters, Venus butterfly, cream canal, apple pie, pie, wet mark, private area, thresher, punash, salami garage, slurpee machine, pink cookie, penalty box, ground zero, meat crease, bait, birth canal, holy grail, pole hole, pork pie, fuzz bucket, one-eyed python trail, bubble gum by the bum, stink rink, theme park, saloon doors, pink truffle, bitter & twisted, burger bar, meat counter, temperamental ringpiece, python syphon, big bud, the Wombsday Book, the condo downstate, snake lake, the indoor barbecue, pound cake, beef tomato, tickled pink, launch pad, horn of plenty, the indoor picnic, hamper of goodies, flapped bap, bonefish, close encounter with the turd kind, sperm bank, man's charity bash, bush tucker, midnight dip, the one-door vulva, the welcome opponent, the Twatlantic Ocean, temporary lodgings, field of dreams, bean, cooze, old catchers mitt, devil's hole, lucy, pish buffet, pooswaa, poonaner, davey jones locker, pink panther, tinker bell, south mouth, dick eater, wonder bread, wolly bolly, foxhole, hot pocket, head catcher, Lawrence of A Labia, silk funnel, dick driver, purple people penis eater, ponchita, cherry pop tart, fat rabbit, scunt, pee jaws, mingus, The Notorious V.A.G., dugout, babyoven, penis parking, cooter muffin, the promised land, cha cha, the shrine, bitch ditch, fury pink mink, mammal hole, ever-lasting cum stopper, the toothless blow job, happy flappy, wilt chamberlian's daily glove, the code defierthe salt water taffy factory, mommy's pie, the easy bake oven, the deflower patch, the virginator, the schlong sucker, the dea bone patch, the vegitarian's temptation, the vegan store, the blow hole, the pump protector, bag pipe, Spitball Bullseye, meat wagon, pickle stinker, jezebel's smell, yoni, willys haven, scrumpter, peach, sweat box, yeast pocket, penis warmer, tampon tunnel, penis pothole, cucumber canal, egg drop Box, sperm shack, dick dungeon, cock curator, b.o.b.'s bungalow, mommy parts, tuna pot pie, nice slice, peter vise, rack of clam, peters grove, penis purse, grandest canyon, fish dish, banana box, tuna spread, pink portal, count fapula, red river gorge, happy valley, revolving in/out door, baby zipper, richards house, stop-n-pop, bone polisher, packin shack, weiner wrap, clap trap, dildo hotel, axe gash, pearl hotel, sea food six pack, clam canal, coose canal, dick deposit, wand waxer, vidgie, erie canal, candy kiss, gauntlet, round mound of beehound,lick n' stick, lap flounder, tomahawk chop, chin-chin, pachinko, cuntry pie, lip tip, the big casino, one eyed worm hole, amazon forest, cock cave, fuck donut, coochie pop, babby, wet seal, pissy froth hole, bald biscuit, the unmentionable, mans ruin, peeshie, hairy potter, courtney cocksleve, panty hamster,deep pink, jaws of life, gizmo, faith, cock magnet, slippery slide, Meat tunnel, pink heaven, squid, dick basket, hot spot, poochika, pudding, bowl, love cave, squeeze-box, he bone collector, goodie basket, depository, pink turtleneck, bread-box, little debbie, pole hole, pandora's box,snail tracker, cuntzilla, homebase, pud pocket, bear trap, indian bones and the temple of poon, chanch, big montana, noochie, choot, golden valley, nappy roots, dick mitten, mystical fold, red bread, meat locker, douche luge, pushin cushion, cocktease

Abusive Relationships

signs of an abusive man or woman... but mostly a men are being attacked...
some bullshit about equality hasn't kicked in around this area for some reason.
you let them vote. shit.

DEMEANED FOR COMEDY!

#10 - Checking your cell phone or email without permission
#9 - Constantly putting you down
#8 - Extreme jealousy or insecurity
#7 - Explosive temper
#6 - Isolating you from family or friends
#5 - Making false accusations
#4 - Mood swings
#3 - Physically hurting you in any way
#2 - Possessiveness
#1 - Telling you what to do

wait...
this isn't a bad article... the one they show at public schools is better for my needs...
.
..
...
.
..
...
HERE WE GO!

+ He comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this before by anyone."
You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

let's face it. true love isn't real. given this guy is creepy a bit...
but who's to say he isn't the one? a higher power might have a plan for your life...
are you going to maybe spit in that power's face? by the way... girls will NEVER come on strong.
it's just proven fact. they never have and never will.
i am a doctor dude, are you really going to say i am wrong? i got a phd in this shit.
so if someone ever says, "lose the zero, get with a hero", DO IT.

+ Your partner is excessively possessive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.

if you are married or otherwise and have been living with that person... WRONG!
don't fucking do that. it is wrong. they should always call before hand, and DO NOT give them a key.
or your phone number. or let them into your life. be exclusive. i know what i am talking about.

+ He expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.

like i said, true love isn't real, so meeting their every need is out of the question.
they will just have to settle. if they can't handle this imperfect world...
they are an abusive little alien, report them to the police. just say...
"he hit me."
stick to that story and they will be gone soon.
you have a vagina. you are in command.
could luck captain.

+ The boss, family, you - it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.

people are never in the wrong place at the wrong time.
why was he late?
oh, he got held up at a store robbery.
why was he in that convenient store during the robbery?
oh, he was getting milk.
STOP DEFENDING HIM YOU NAIVE WHORE!
he is abusing you.
moving ooonnnn.

-----
this site is great!!! looool
check out this article:
surprising weightloss: orgasms with a side of throwing up constantly
http://www.blisstree.com/2012/09/27/live/orgasms-and-other-surprising-ways-to-lose-weight-516/?source=thumbnail
-----

+ The abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain.
They may have unfair expectations of children or tease them until they cry.

my children will be spawns of a god. or terrible little hell raisers that are the death of me...
but any ways. him punching you in the face is one thing, but if he punches a dog attacking you,
that's abuse.
does he make children cry? good.

+ does he view women as inferior?

he is abusing you.
never acknowledge his request for nutrition. that is abuse.

now that you know all about relationships.
go forth and deem everything in your life unworthy.
your relationship, your home, your family.
take it, throw it on the ground.

I Don't Understand

I Do Not Understand

It isn't what they say.
It isn't what they do.

It isn't how they dress.

It is the delusion for which they truly think they stand.

They are lost.

What is it they think they stand for?

Style?
"True love"?

Cute shit?

I do understand what they say.

I do not understand why they say it.

Because it makes no sense.

They stand for an empty cause.

A passing trend.

I sleep now.

Tomorrow it will be over for them.

New challenges will arrive.

As we all seek understanding.

Maybe it is a lifestyle, a choice.

Who knows?

The gods knows not this mortal mystery.

Suicidal Thoughts

are you feeling suicidal?
what are the signs of suicidal thoughts?
let us see if you are suicidal.

THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN EDITED FOR CLERICAL FUN!!!!


Appearing to feel strapped or topless
Appearing to have an abdominal preoccupation with violence, dying and/or DEATH
Being in a heightened state of anxiety
Being very hoody or ghetto
Changing personalization themes on your computer
Changing highway routes
Changing UFO patterns
Consuming (more & more drugs)
Consuming even a little bit of alcohol
Engaging in SUPER risky behavior, such as driving carefully or taking cocaine up the rectum
Getting your affairs in orders isn't normal either
Getting hold of a gun(and protecting your right to own said gun), medications(from a pharmacy), or substances that could possibly end a life(such as draino, stain remover or dish soap)
Giving stuff away generously because you are in SUCH A GOOD MOOD
Having depression because you got knocked up in high school and didn't get drunk and have an abortion
Having panicking aliens attack your house for obvious reasons
Impaired concentration
Increased self-criticism, to better your life in various ways, because you are a maggot that is not good enough the way you are.
Isolating oneself from stupid people
Psycho motor agitation - such as pacing around a room, wringing one's hands, taking off clothing and putting it back on, and other such actions (I DID NOT TOUCH THIS ONE)
Saying goodbye to others as if it were the last time because you joined the army
Seeming to be SUPER able to experience pleasurable emotions from normally pleasurable life events such as eating, exercise, social interaction or sex... or even shaking your penis in the urinal... two shakes or it's playing with yourself
Seeming to have severe remorse for hitting that deaf kid down syndrome the street... i mean down the street.
Talking about killing oneself TO ONESELF ALONE IN A ROOM WITH OTHER PEOPLE STARING BLATANTLY AT YOU, expressing regret about being alive or ever having been born, because YOU are a big fucking failure.
now get up.
wipe daddy's cum off of your failure face.
you are a dirty whore.
go kill yourself.

oh yeah, if you have done any of this stuff, you ARE seriously considering committing suicide and should rush to find out how many people aren't willing to help you.
terrible. i know. you should fix that.

10 Signs of a Cheater

FOR FUN. NON-SERIOUS.

in response to http://bit.ly/Theyarecheating
cheaters beware! we know how to get you now.
thanks technology!

10 signs of a cheater.
edited for the real fucking world.

#10 - I love you
if anyone has ever stopped saying "i love you" more than 20 times a day...
they are cheating on you. 
that's right.
all those days in your teen years.
mommy was cheating on you.
so is your girlfriend now.
guess who.
my penis inside her.

#9 - Gifts
gifts are okay and sometimes... necessary? what the fuck? any ways. okay sometimes necessary, 
but an unusually high amount of them doesn't indicate love...
they are definitely cheating on you.
that's right you little bitch.
santa is cheating on you.
you are a filthy whore that he empties his jingle balls in to.
whore.

#8 - Gut feeling
remember back in grade school on the playground? you'd get butterflies in your stomach,
while giving head under the jungle gym? that wasn't cum going down your 11 year old throat, 
that was instinct saying he is the one.
you probably aren't married now to that person, 
but if you are and are getting butterflies...
they are cheating on you.
you are inadequate to satisfy their needs.
and are garbage in their eyes.
kill yourself.
you made them cheat.
you pathetic excuse for a something or another.

#7 - Defensive
know how all of you get angry when people accuse you of something you did over and over, 
until you said i did it, even thought there is a clear understanding? you are on the right track...
of getting dumped. 
let's hope they are cheating on you.
so you don't feel dumb AND alone when it doesn't work out.
because you kept poking until the delusions you wanted came out.
or they left your sorry ass for the neutral party.
you fuck up.

#6 - Unusual cell phone habits
you fucking retards with your gamma-ray phones and shit. 
if your partner is using one other than for talking.
to you.
they are cheating.
are they texting?
cheater.
cell phones are for talking ONLY, not Affronted Avians.

#5 - Conflicting stories
can't get there shit straight when talking to you about their day?
they are either listening to lil wayne(dump them) or...
they are cheating one you.
humans don't make mistakes.
cheating isn't a mistake.
it's a choice.
to get with someone better than you.
and as long as they are around, you are NOTHING.

#4 - New tricks in bed
by now you two have a routine in bed, and is boring as hell.
you both know this.
are they trying to gyrate more frequently or energetically?
making you wear a paper bag during?
maybe trying to slip you a brown pinkie? 
slapping you in the face with their penis?
or even trying to passionately trying to kiss your neck,
on the OTHER side of your neck?
this is a definite sign that they are cheating on you.
no. they aren't trying to keep it interesting. 
i am just teaching them new things.
while we cheat on you.
because you are not worthy of their love.
you are trash.

#3 - Overtime
this is the most ultimate sign of cheating. 
when they work overtime provide for you and the relationship...
they are cheating.
that's it.
game over.
they don't love you any more.

#2 - Opposite sex friends
now that you both are dating, everyone is out to get you.
if they have anyone of the opposite sex close to them, 
they are cheating. keep an eye on that mother of his.
is he kissing his guy friend passionately?
don't worry.
it's fine.
but that skank tabitha is a whore.
even though you were born with her,
she wants your man's seed in her.
watch them hoes.

#1 - Looks
if either person so much as showers, they are cheating.
looks are NOT, i repeat, NOT important to a relationship.
not important, because he chose you.
and you are trash.
trash before, trash after.

PICTURE TRAP

HERE I SHALL TRAP PICTURES THAT I MAKE &/OR EDIT!!!

one of those teen scene pics.

 family guy.

 original.

 more teen scene edit.

 original.

 romney heil! (for fun, not slanderous)

 family guy.

 dethklok-9/11 edit. (tasteless to some)

 i didn't notice him until recently.

 you know.

 iPhone game or some shit, original.

 semi-funny.

 whitechapel original.

 untraceable funny.

more teen scene crap.

american dad. (i had to shop her eyes from a different frame to this one)

family guy.

 american dad.

 the simpsons.

 something i found on family guy - brian goes back to college.

Random Thoughts, Typings, and WHATEVER ELSE!!! UPDATED OFTEN

i type random things sometimes. and i like the attention of random people reading my random things.
it makes me HAPPY.    >:| MMMYYYYAAAHHHH!!!
do you see me? do i not looked pleased that you are reading these almost as i am just typing them.

this is nothing too serious, just another hobby.

OH MY GOD.
why are whores such whores?
my shoes are wet.
life is hit and miss.
mostly miss.
swiss miss hot chocolate.
i invented the word chocolatte'.
fuck the corporations.
anybody else an axe murderer?
no?
...what's that?
the wind?
some people say wind like (WHY-IND).
retards are taking us over.
you think this shit is funny?
FUCK.
@echo> fuckyourcouch C:\ delete sys32 @30s :3
that isn't a real code.
have you seen the matrix?
that movie makes you think.
but that's all.
it won't make you do anything about those thoughts.
therefore promotes laziness.
when is my birthday?
i like drawing spaceships.
i can draw good.
i wish more people had hobbies.
like drawing.
and could do them well.
AIDS killed america.
ALLA HU ACKBAR!
anybody still crying over 9/11?
better not be.
maybe i should make a fake celebrity.
Pierre Paul John Blanski.
Name your children after me.
then we shall do a dance.
what happened to this stream of thoughts?
am i still talking? shit.
you are still reading?
are you waiting for something?
go away.
nobody loves you.
you HAVE to take my shit.
or you a nothing but a worthless shit stain.
on america's XXXL T shirt.
fat joke.
that was it.
shit you are still reading.
good bye.
see you next time.
are you still redding?
ha. i spelled reading redding.
is that a word?
probably.
good bye for real.
where do babies come from?
what the hell is a rabbi?
are you listening to me?
how do i read?
i hate children.
guy punches a wall.
during christmas.
DECK the halls.
fuck.
there is a cat meowing.
at my pie in the window.
pie is gone.
what is wrong with me?
i have problems.
i hope i have 5 children exactly like me.
my throws me down the stairs frequently.
what is happening with charlie sheen?
CYOCAINE!!! (KAI-YO-CANE)
awesome pronunciation of cocaine.
they found a cure for herpes.
just kidding.
herpes is for life.
you actually thought there was a cure.
for you nasty little whore mouth?
funny.
i have a piece of glass in my foot.
anybody have any cake?
i think TomSka is awesome.
L O aLLto.
that is how i say lol now.
makes it less txt-like.
and easier to say.
i believe a word or phrase can be too short.
i found a really kick-ass bubble gum.
found it at the dollar store.
when i chew it.
i can feel it eating away at my gums.
and teeth.
when i breath it hurts my teeth.
this is a fun way for my mind to vent.
i appreciate you guys reading my thoughts.
it makes me feel like there is a cure.
for what i have.
AIDS.
just kidding.
baddenassinitis.
say that shit.
that is all for now.
thanks for reading.
finally. they are gone.
all the voices.
shit.
YOU ARE STILL HERE?
get lost.
oh no!
i lost a like.
oh well.
not like we all give a shit anyways.
who's hungry?
mhm.
cookie doe.
bye.
i fucked your mom.
just kidding.
but your dad is standing behind me.
he sends his best to your mom's pussy.
now there is a man who fucked your mom.
fucked her hard.
spit on her back.
waited for her to turn around.
cum blasted her face.
anybody mad or disgusted yet?
fuck i am twisted.
rings of saturn is one psychedelic band.
you.
me.
rape.
wanna?
it is amazing how sexually awesome i am not.
kind of blows.
like your mom did your dad.
right before he fucked her.
am i insane?
maybe.
or maybe i just have.
the something-acity to say what you won't.
this is the internet.
shit is real.
L O aLLto.
fuck you all.
it is amazing how this thoughts written down.
can reflect my mood.
or personality.
let us bow and take a moment of silence.
for the internet.
we take it for granted.
and the billions of enslaved electrons.
that we train to look like code.
code that code.
and uncode it.
when their mission is complete.
they are released unto HELL.
please remove hats to honor them.
if you do not care.
that's probably for the best.
i'd hate to see you join me.
at the crazy house.
what's that?
the wind?
no.
the warden.
better untie myself from this noose.
and hide my computer.
from that psycho bitch.
that says i like sex.
crazy, right?
bye.
-
visualize this.
8:34 pm.
it's drizzling.
you can see your breath.
as you walk down the orange-lighted side walk.
you shudder.
you are distracted.
your foot goes foward for the next step.
you hit the edge of the next sidewalk block.
it is slightly raised.
a tree root has tunneled beneath.
you go under a rail road bridge.
it is colder.
drip.
drip.
drip.
a strange man passes you murmuring.
you think.
you lose your balance.
you have stepped off the corner.
you regain your step.
cross the street.
your pockets rattle.
what was that?
i don't remember anything like that in my pocket.
you feel around in your pocket.
it is your watch.
you see a pair of lights.
in the instant you see them, they disappear.
step.
step.
i hope you have enjoyed being me for a few seconds.
which probably seemed longer.
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FIND LOCAL SINGLES TODAY!
oh internet ad...
my hand is as local as it gets.
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did you know that suicidal thoughts does NOT include actually doing it?
well shit.
why would anybody take you seriously.
you won't do it faggot.
i'm sorry.
that you are a failure at life.
and can't deal with it.
we know.
your therapist asked you.
you finally said yes.
i have suicidal thoughts.
your hour ended.
you thought about it at every red light on your pointless travel home.
DO IT.
but you won't.
because these are merely thoughts, and don't include you doing anything... so that means suicide is actually the other half of you murdering the normal half.
after it makes you fail.
makes you feel worthless.
and you think about what the other half will do.
you accept it and let it do what it wished to.
the 'other half' is considered yourself so it is murder.
but yourself is murdering you.
hmm.
wow. chrome only detected one typo. only because that "i'm" at the top wasn't capitalized. that means i am so focused right now.
probably due to all that cocaine.
everyday is halloween when you dress up as charlie sheen.
goooodniiight everybody.
GOOOODNIIIGHT DR. NICK!
aha the simpsons.
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laughing at retarded people is bad.
explaining why is worse.
what's that i smell?
IT'S McDONAL--- wait.
it's just asshole.
well then.
somewhat disappointing.
i smell chicken!
wait.
still asshole.
where is that coming from.
oh well.
so...
i am typing stuff.
what are you doing?
oh bb grl u r my lfe.
that's people 2 hours in a bad relationship.
COOKIES.
wait, still asshole.
that is getting annoying.
my spine is tingling.
heyhey!
i have a piece of glass in my back!
hmm.
..
...
....
AAAAHHHHHH!!!
what did i see on TV to fix this.
take it out?
push it in?
call a doctor?
call someone who cares?
we'll try that second one.
well.
i slammed my back into the wall.
all better.
i taste blood.
oh. i remember.
it was an arrow that you push through.
well.
shit.
i can't smell anything.
how many fingers was i holding up?
i no longer have a fear of rejection.
or any feeling for that matter.
NO MOM! I AM NOT WINKING AT YOU!
YYYAHAHAHAHEAHEHHAHEAHHAHHAHHAH!!!!
dial tone.
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honey boo boo...
fuck. i just don't know. i don't have a focused thought about it. i can't gather myself. i just can't take whatever negativity i feel and concentrate it into a thought. it is really hard to describe...
see if you can follow me...
fucking kid.
pretty for her age.
future is not looking good.
obese.
what the fuck is wrong with her mom.
is she retarded?(literally, not figuratively.
my god. it has a show?
swear to myself not to let that happen.
child beauty shows make me uncomfortable.
they seem to have everyone's positive attention.
except mine.
somehow they make people around me like those demons.
demons just isn't a harsh enough word.
how do you learn something so fast at that age.
like:
manipulation.
getting your way.
remaining attractive(keep attention, not looks) while you throw fits.
being rewarded for it with a show, trophies, and contracts.
why is there NO decent picture of your mom?
she literally looks retarded in ever picture.
i don't understand. if a child can manipulate millions at this age... why couldn't she have learned other skills... like calculating, science, or something more constructive... even a lawyer...
jeebus.
well. hopefully you get the jist.
that is what i have to say about that.
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why am i a bad person?
two weeks into a relationship.
her parents die.
i am relieved.
now she can't take me home to meet the folks.
JUST KIDDING.
i am single.
the newborn kittens under my house have it out for me.
i'm fucking serious.
shit.
they are at my window now.
meow.
meow.
MAKE IT STOP.
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wow. i took a moment, took a suicide assessment...
based my answers off of what i hear on a day-to-day basis...
teens are naturally suicidal.
good thing courage has gone away.
or our future would be fucked.
there'd be nobody left to work at McDonald's...
i guess except for Ivy League Grads.
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immigrants are parasites.
sucking on the sweet blood of america.
we need that blood to spill for oil.
there's a war going on.
it's going great.
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all these ladies in this room.
they want the d.
yeah.
they want the d.
yeah.
(stretch that over 3 minutes and you have a rap)
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