Suicidal Thoughts

are you feeling suicidal?
what are the signs of suicidal thoughts?
let us see if you are suicidal.

THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN EDITED FOR CLERICAL FUN!!!!


Appearing to feel strapped or topless
Appearing to have an abdominal preoccupation with violence, dying and/or DEATH
Being in a heightened state of anxiety
Being very hoody or ghetto
Changing personalization themes on your computer
Changing highway routes
Changing UFO patterns
Consuming (more & more drugs)
Consuming even a little bit of alcohol
Engaging in SUPER risky behavior, such as driving carefully or taking cocaine up the rectum
Getting your affairs in orders isn't normal either
Getting hold of a gun(and protecting your right to own said gun), medications(from a pharmacy), or substances that could possibly end a life(such as draino, stain remover or dish soap)
Giving stuff away generously because you are in SUCH A GOOD MOOD
Having depression because you got knocked up in high school and didn't get drunk and have an abortion
Having panicking aliens attack your house for obvious reasons
Impaired concentration
Increased self-criticism, to better your life in various ways, because you are a maggot that is not good enough the way you are.
Isolating oneself from stupid people
Psycho motor agitation - such as pacing around a room, wringing one's hands, taking off clothing and putting it back on, and other such actions (I DID NOT TOUCH THIS ONE)
Saying goodbye to others as if it were the last time because you joined the army
Seeming to be SUPER able to experience pleasurable emotions from normally pleasurable life events such as eating, exercise, social interaction or sex... or even shaking your penis in the urinal... two shakes or it's playing with yourself
Seeming to have severe remorse for hitting that deaf kid down syndrome the street... i mean down the street.
Talking about killing oneself TO ONESELF ALONE IN A ROOM WITH OTHER PEOPLE STARING BLATANTLY AT YOU, expressing regret about being alive or ever having been born, because YOU are a big fucking failure.
now get up.
wipe daddy's cum off of your failure face.
you are a dirty whore.
go kill yourself.

oh yeah, if you have done any of this stuff, you ARE seriously considering committing suicide and should rush to find out how many people aren't willing to help you.
terrible. i know. you should fix that.